Your present situation is the culmination of all your past habitual tendencies. Your future is the trajectory of the path paved by the collective of all your present habits. You wish to create a new or different future for yourselves, simply work on your habits. Now this is easier said than done!
Why is letting go of old habits and creating new ones difficult?
The best example for me is our habit of brushing the teeth upon waking. I have first hand freshly minted experience in this because my grandson just turned seven and finally after almost five years of daily efforts, finally now he manages to brush his teeth more often than not, upon waking up. For all of us this act of brushing upon waking is so automatic that it goes unnoticed, but just ask your parents how much efforts it would have taken for them to instil this habit in us.
The most important thing that is needed to inculcate a new habit is – Setting the Intention and holding the intention. In the above example, the parents set the intention and kept holding it for several years. If you look at all our habits – useful or harmful, it took someone to set an intention and hold the intention for a considerable amount of time. Habits such as drinking fruit juice, coffee, milk, alcohol, eating healthy or junk food, smoking, the intention was collectively set by people or organisations that stood to gain from it and the media and constant advertising to keep holding it for us.
Here are some invitations to begin to form new habits:
Setting an Intention: Now as adults, if we intend to replace a habit that has started becoming harmful for our health or wellbeing we need to set an intention for ourselves. For setting an intention, we need to first raise ourselves to the highest level within – our higher mind or Awareness mind and create the intention. While doing this, we need not consider the hurdles or our past attempts and failures. Just focus on what habit is required to be able to take us to the desired future of our vision. Focus needs to be exclusively on what needs to be done rather than how we are going to manage to do it. Since the setting of intention is the most important aspect, we can take several weeks and seek support and advice in doing it.
Holding on to an intention: Once the intention is set the next is to just hold it and be for a long period of time measured in terms of years. Yes years. Who will hold it? We ourselves, we need to nominate one part of us as the higher self me and hold this intention from this space within us. Holding means just remembering the intention and maintaining complete clarity and faith in it becoming reality despite seemingly impossible hurdles. The one that holds the intention is not doing anything, not trying to do anything, no efforts, just hold and be, unwavering and steady and firm and faithful.
The other one is the day to day rational, logical, self me. This is the one who will everyday try and strive and attempt repeatedly to reach up to the intention. Keep failing, keep coming back, keep feeling guilty, everything is allowed. While the other part is just holding and being, ever forgiving and just staying. It seems nothing is happening and nothing will ever happen, from the rational mind point of view and that is ok. Because it takes a year or maybe even a couple of years for the habit to get cultivated. It is like growing a tree. You just need to water it every day while seemingly nothing is happening on the day to day level.
If you expect the tree to start bearing fruit in a few months you are bound to get frustrated, uproot it and walk off in a huff! We don’t do that do we? But we do exactly the same thing with ourselves! Decide to do something, struggle for a few months, give up saying I am not deserving or gifted enough to do that, and walk away, back to our repeated pattern of living and suffering.
Get guidance: It helps to choose a mentor to play the role of the holder of intention. What is the best habit that you can ever gift yourself for a wholesome fulfilled life? The habit of sitting to meditate as easily and naturally as you brush in the morning.The PfP SelvanS Daily Online Guided Meditation helps you foster this habit for a lifetime. Since it is a longterm growth, we offer you the opportunity to join us thrice every day with gentle reminders each time. We encourage you to stay with it and allow the tree to grow and give you an abundance of fruit in the course of a few years.