So often we fall into the Bollywood notion of marriage that we fail to see that the “happily every after” notion actually requires work. Marriage requires work, an effort and intention to nurture the relationship and allow one another’s presence to change and benefit the other.
Marriage can be the most wonderful part of your life. The ideal marriage creates images of partners-for-life and being able to lean on each other. On the other hand, a bad marriage can be most miserable. A terrible home life wears on your good self-esteem and well-being.
Here are some cornerstones that make a healthy marriage:
Make time to talk about your day as well as deeper issues of life. Listen without judgment and focus on what your partner is saying. The key is respect. Your spouse has dreams and feelings that are different from your own so listen without adding negative comment. Disrespecting your spouse’s feelings and thoughts leads to distrust and your spouse will unlikely share their thoughts in the future.
Life gets busy with work, children, friends, and other responsibilities. It’s very important to build in some time for your partner. Remember what life was like before the wedding when you planned time to get to know one another and have FUN. Fun is still important to your mental health. Life has to have balance between work and play. Don’t forget to work some time in for yourself. Alone time is also very important.
When we first met our significant other, we tried hard to impress them. We show our best side and show kindness and good manners. After the wedding, the new becomes familiar and comfortable and it can be easy for our bad habits and unruly behavior to slip. For a long term commitment, showing them respect, honor, and courtesy is vital. Berating and yelling at them as if they were a naughty child only tears away loving feelings and trust.
While these aspects are easy to write about, in our day to day life, we find that our negative patterns of perception, our relationships with significant others often come in the way of our relationship with our partners.
If you find that these aspects are hard to cultivate in your relationship with your spouse and yet you would like to live more harmoniously in your relationship, please contact me or another trusted professional. I can reduce the difficult conversations between spouses and enhance a smooth relationship of understanding, love and respect.