Talk to your emotions!
Most of us are conscious of the fact that we don’t feel ‘okay’ without knowing why. I’m sure it happens to all of us and it happens quite a lot. Not knowing why we’re feeling the way we’re feeling or if it is normal.
And to sit with one’s emotions is perhaps the most difficult thing to do. It requires work and a lot of introspection. To ask questions like: why are feeling this way or when are we feeling this is a lot. It becomes a burden too heavy to bear so we tend to avoid it. In this case, we might even say that ignorance is bliss. Sometimes there is comfort in the chaos because we’ve been used to the clutter around us. Wanting to get out of it not only requires work but the will to confront it.
But for how long will we ignore it?! Ignoring our emotions and feelings makes us very distant from ourselves. And our feelings and us become two different entities and that leads to this confusion. This tug of war between our emotions and ourself. Whom do we listen to and what are we supposed to do with this?
At some point, we should be able to deal with this. It would be better than the discomfort caused in us. One which makes us so indifferent to ourselves. Certainly, this is the greatest disservice to oneself. For me, personally, it’s no different. There are days where even I feel out of this place, or just bleh, if you call it that. Then, like me, you will be constantly in the loop of thinking about why you feel that way. And this confusion and overthinking leads to you being more upset because you don’t know.
Wouldn’t it be relieving and liberating to know the answers? The answer to the thousand questions your mind keeps generating. The answer to your true self which the critic in you would keep questioning. The answer to a part of yourself which is let down by the ‘expected’ part from you.
If we have to simplify the work of understanding your feelings and the reasons for it, there are three questions you need to ask yourself.
Think of a situation. It could be a pleasant or unpleasant one. Because a lot of times even though we are feeling ecstatic about something, it is possible for us to have no understanding of what exactly made us feel that way.
- What am I feeling?
(So good and bad can’t be feelings. They can only be the types of feelings. You’ll really have to name how you’re feeling- like happy, sad, angry, disappointed, irritated etc.)
- What situation/thoughts made me to feel this way?
(What are my thoughts? “This shouldn’t have happened” or “what she did was wrong.” Any and every though is valid. Sit with it.)
- What expectations/needs of mine have been met/unmet for me to feel this way?
(“it shouldn’t have happened to me.” “He shouldn’t have done this. It was wrong.” What went wrong (or right) in this?)
We have different feelings because we respond to various situations in different ways. It’s very subjective. And that happens because we always have these fixed notions/beliefs about a variety of things, expectations from ourselves. The difference between our expectations and the reality is what causes a rift between us and the people around us or between us and the situation we are in. These questions can help you figure out what you’re going through and analyse ourselves in an emotionally healthy way.
If you can answer these three questions in any given situation, I am sure you’ll have your answers. Answers to the many why’s and how’s your mind keeps generating. Having these answers helps you to have a better understanding of yourself and your feelings. It helps to have a transparent view of yourself and hence provide a clarity of mind.
At the end of the day, we need to understand ourselves, our thoughts and feelings to stay connected with ourselves. Once we begin doing that, the rest of the chaos seems to fade away into the background. Dealing with situations becomes easier and we tend to be happier, even.
Hoping this helped you as much as it helped me reconnect with myself.