source: google images
source: google images

I have been listening to this amazing podcast called the #staymarried podcast. They have a fabulous blog that goes along with each podcast. The couple, Tony and Michelle, on the blog/podcast are currently following a book by the Gottsman Institute called the Seven Do’s and Four Dont’s for a Long and Happy Marriage.

In Podcast 10 they specifically speak about one very simple and powerful tool for problem solving in the marriage. They go into details about how to solve a solvable problem and encourage the listeners to actually listen to the previous podcasts that help the audience pick a solvable problem.

One of the methods mentioned in the podcasts is about sitting with your partner and working through a solvable problem. A problem that, yes, pushes your buttons but one that you really want to work through. So here is what the book briefly describes on what to do. Michelle and Tony actually walk you through a problem they solve over the podcast based on this exercise. If you want an example of how to work through your issue you can listen to their podcast here. 

Below is the form you can click on and print off to work with your spouse on your solvable problem.

seven dos and four donts for a long and happy marriage

The couple on the podcast use the following five questions to help understand and work through their problem in the marriage. Here are the questions:

  1. What do we agree about?
  2. What are our common feelings or the most important feelings here?
  3. What common goals can we have here?
  4. How can we understand this situation, this issue?
  5. How do we think these goals should be accomplished?

After you have explored each others lists I encourage you to think about the above five questions.

The #staymarried podcast also has a wonderful poster that summarizes the five steps in problem solving in a marriage. It is important to hold on to these steps and remember the essence of them as you work through the problem with the help of the above form. The steps are:

  1. Soften your startup
  2. Make repairs
  3. Stay Calm
  4. Compromise
  5. Be tolerant

The podcast beautifully talks about and gives many examples of each of these steps. The book ofcourse is a treasure in the direction. To listen to the podcast go here. If you are interested in the book here is the link.

The form that I have created here and the brief structure to help you solve your solvable problem in your marriage is a great start. Hope you get a chance to use it and solve a solvable problem in your marriage.