Days like these….

What does it feel like when your Monday morning starts on a bad note? When the first day of the week or any day for that matter feels so disturbing that you start questioning your life, your work and your existence. It can be so frustrating that you might want to give it all up. You don’t want to go through all of this. I know it feels like shit!! Like really terrible!! 

On one hand you want to come out of this and be at peace and at the same time also feel this terrible and suffer for a while. Even though you would want to put up a good face on the upfront and forget about it, because there’s literally nothing you could do about it now; you also want to keep sulking about it for a while. To vent and tell people about it. You start thinking about ways out of it- that this isn’t something that you should be doing, or something which you’ve wanted/expected. To think about what, how and why has it happened and feel sad and frustrated about it.

This thinking will lead you to break things down and you start feeling that you aren’t worthy enough. You are not respected for the person you are and your choices and values. You are suffering because of something which you haven’t done. It all now becomes you and because of you. And it’s a human tendency to be wanting to be in that space for a while before you are out of it. 

I find it strange- this wanting. This wanting to feel terrible. This wanting to suffer. This wanting to be low for a while before you bounce back stronger.
With all of this, you just don’t feel like doing anything. All you do is sit idle in one corner and think of what if’s and if not’s. Hell yes!!! All of this is true! But what now?!! What should I be doing? 

Nothing.  Just be in that space for a while, be aware and acknowledge what you’re going through. ‘Coz you are important and so are your feelings. You should be acknowledging and respecting it before anyone else does or does not. Being in that space would help only so much but knowing that you have to and will come out of it feeling much more powerful and great. I have already started feeling better as I’m writing this.

There are good days and bad days. But you wouldn’t be happy about your good days if you haven’t felt shitty on your bad days. Like my favorite artist Passenger sings in his song ‘Let Her Go’,

‘Cause you only need the light when it’s burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low

Only hate the road when you’re missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go….’

You know just like the image which shows the colors of fall leaves during the autumn. This season makes leaves lose their color and they appear weak and unhealthy with the change of colors. But even when they lose their natural color, they still look beautiful in the process. As the season ends, they regain their original color. And I guess that’s what life is all about. To acknowledge what you’re going through. To respect and honour your journey. And to believe in yourself that you’ll get through it just fine.

Through all this, remember one thing- that you are beautiful in your own way. 

Love,
Varsha Vemula

There’s the music I was referring to! Enjoy The Passenger

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